Parenting

I was re-reading the book on The 77 Irrefutable Truths of Parenting recently by Dr Larry Keefauver.  The first truth was on the top 10 T's of training.  Let me share them with you:

1. Taking notice: children's clothes, hair style, words, behaviours, non-verbal communication, friends, change in habits, etc. As our children grow especially into the teenage years, their tastes for clothes would change, often times influenced by their peers or what they see over the media.  We may not be able to buy clothes for them anymore because of their particular taste. They would also begin to be more self-conscious about their looks and physique.  My younger daughter has recently gone to the dentist to fix braces on her teeth to correct an overbite.  They are also spending more time with their peers in school (due to projects and activities) and communicating with them over social media/sms.  We can also look into their postings on social media, if they are shared with us.  Observation of any negative language, behaviour or attitude is a signal for parents to have a heart-to-heart talk with their children.  Many times, there is a need to lift them up in prayer.

2. Talking (which includes listening): about feelings, thoughts, opinions, joys, hurts, finances, sexuality, etc. The line of communication should always remain open so that they can approach us anytime.  Family time should provide an avenue for children to share their thoughts and experiences.  Praying together as a family also allows us to listen to their prayer conversation - their desires from God.  We have made it a habit to pray together in the car on a regular basis. 

3. Truth: tell your kids the truth about God, morality, yourself and the world at large.  Reading the word of God together as a family and discussing issues of life are an important part of Christian education.  It's important to find time for family devotion when the children are young; otherwise, when they are much older, they would be involved in a lot of school activities and projects.  We can also talk with our children during car rides when sending them to school or back home. 

4. Trust: trust your children and be consistent so that they would learn to trust from your role-modelling.  If we have laid the right foundation when they are young, our children would grow up in the ways of God.  We have to learn to trust them and entrust them in God's safe-keeping.  Give children the benefit of the doubt unless we have real reasons to suspect them. 

5. Togetherness: let your children know that you are with them and not against them.  No matter what happens, our children are still our flesh and blood, and we have to encourage, support and stand by them.  When they fail in a test or commit an infraction, instead of railing against them, we need to understand the reasons behind their failure or misdeed, and counsel them accordingly.   They have to learn to pay the price for a misdeed.

6. Touch: children need appropriate physical touch such as hugs, kisses, squeezes, hand over the shoulder.  Something we need to do often to affirm our love for them, especially those whose language of love is physical touch.  I am learning how to speak this language of love to my children.

7. Thanksgiving: tell your children how thankful you're for them.  This is to affirm their value and worth in the family, no matter how mischievous or playful they may be.  Some of them may be handicapped or born with a certain medical condition.  God has given them to us for a season for our enjoyment and growth.  We should cherish them while they are still with us.

8. Time: your presence cannot be replaced by things or other people.  Children would appreciate the time we take to attend their school concerts/activities as well as the time spent with them in games, movies, shopping, vacation trips, etc.  Being a driver to our children by sending them for enrichment classes/courses or to school are also times where we can spend conversing with our children.   

9. Teaching: you are your children's primary teacher, not the school, church, tutor, maid, etc.  Impartation of spiritual values (respect, integrity, goodness, etc) and wisdom (how to respond correctly) as well as the knowledge of this world.  It's important to teach our children how to fish rather than fish for them.   

10. Trinity: a child's first picture of God is painted by a parent.  A parent who terrorizes or ill-treats a child would not be a good role-model of God the Father.  "Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him."   Ps 103:13 (NASB)