Learning to Connect

I am currently reading a book by John Maxwell entitled "Everyone communicates few connect".  It is a useful book for those who would like to connect with people either at the individual level or at a collective level.  The latter is for those who wants to connect with an audience when makinng a presentation, whether at work, church or social functions. 

Let me share some thoughts on how to connect at the individual level based on some pointers in the book.  There are certainly many opportunities in life to talk to people, be they familiar to us or not.  In order to establish relationship with others, there is a need to take the initiative.   Don't wait for others to do so.  Be the first to offer assistance or start a conversation.  People are generally willing to talk to you if you expend energy to converse with them first.  I find this to be true during coffee fellowship after church service.

Once we get past the discomfort in initiating a conversation, the next thing to do is to find common ground for connecting.  To do so, we have to pay attention or listen to the person.  We have to be others-focused or in the words of the apostle Paul "not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others" (Phil 2:4).  One good way to start off conversation is to ask general questions relating to family, occupation, recreation and message (FORM).  The last is to find out from them what they thought of the message they have heard.  This can very well branch off to issues that could be close to the person's heart.

When we are able to get a conversation going, we should be not be judgmental in our posture but seek to really understand and clarify issues raised.  Asking "why" questions would be a good way to seek clarification.  We can proffer our views on issues raised but there is no need to be condescending towards the person(s) we are talking to.  The important thing is to keep the communication channels open so that the next time there is another opportunity to meet the rapport would have already been established. 

Connection goes beyond simply communicating; it seeks ways to make people feel good and accepted.  This takes time and energy, but the effort put in would be well worth it as people would appreciate and remember it.